Real estate sales executives (estate agents) sometimes get a bad rap. They're ranked right up there with used car salesmen and lawyers. But they're not all bad.
As a writer, they have my utmost respect! I can fully appreciate their creative use of language; their ability to hook you with their wordsmithery and enthusiastic use of euphemisms in their listings.
But what does it all mean? I break it down for you below to save you from future house-hunting frustration (and also so you never end up booking an overseas 'character studio apartment with views' on Airbnb, and end up staying in a room above someone's garage! *blush)
The Real Estate Euphemism Dictionary
Authentic: old
Awaiting your touch: dilapidated
Character: strange features or layout
Charming: hasn’t been painted in years
Classic style: outdated
Collapsed contract: previous buyer pulled out at the last minute due to major issues or over-valuation
Comfortable: cramped
Cottage: room above the garage
Cozy: a shoebox
Duplex: get to know your neighbours way better than you would like
Easy access to public transport: virtually on the motorway or next to railway line
First time on the market in 50 years: An old lady has recently died in the house and it hasn’t been redecorated since it was built
Fixer-Upper: being held together by duct tape
Furnished: owners don't want to move their junk
Granny flat: a backyard shed or container
Great investment property: you probably don’t want to actually live here
Has potential: needs some serious work
Heritage: you can't make any alterations; prepare to become well acquainted with the council planning department
Low maintenance yard: landscaping may have died a long time ago or is concrete
Minutes away from the airport: basically located on the landing strip; you'll need double-glazed windows
Mortgagee sale: the fittings are missing and you inherit all of the defaulted rates and taxes
Motivated seller: has been on the market forever and the bank is about to step in
Natural setting: is being reclaimed by nature; the bats will crap on your house
Needs TLC / work: major structural damage
Needs updating: hasn't been touched since the 70s and needs a complete gutting
New appliances: newer than the house anyway
Open / flowing floor plan: very few internal walls to arrange your furniture against
Partial view: view over neighbours double-storey roof and 20-metre tall trees
Priced to meet the market / price reduced: the sellers wanted too much but now they're desperate
Quaint: tuna can
Quiet neighborhood: no one wants to live there
Renovator's dream: occupier's nightmare
Studio: your bed is also your couch
Suits first home buyers: small, cheap and on top of your neighbour
Three bedrooms: two bedrooms and a walk-in-wardrobe
Within walking distance of good schools: school run traffic will block your driveway; kids will graffiti your walls
If you are looking for plain, transparent and easy-to-understand property investment advice, we tell it like it is! Book a time for a free phone chat to find out more about how we can help you get started!
